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2007-2008 Season Is Off And Running; Some OFHL Squads Are Still Warming Up

by Bruce Jenner

After another successful OFHL draft and a last-minute snafu regarding NHL statistics, the OFHL seems to be settling in rather well as Week Four of the 2007-2008 OFHL Season is under way.

Atop the OFHL East, the Blue Meanies are 2-1, while Clueless is shoring up the basement -- by the slimmest of total roster point margins -- sharing a 1-2 record with four other squads: Meghurtz, Slackhawks, Islanders and Ed Wings. The OFHL West seems a bit better off and posts the Exes and Habs with undefeated records of 3-0. And yes, the Marlins have sunk to the bottom, winless to start the season. Obviously, not all fish can swim.

We all know that things can and do change quickly. And with the unpredictable way that goal-scoring has unfolded this season, change is something we can surely count on in the coming weeks.

What first round pick will surface as the smartest?

You Better Make A Tranny, Suckah, Or Be Left Behind

by Samuel L. Jackson

"Make a transaction or be left behind..." That seems to be the theme of the OFHL in the early stages of 2007-08 season.

If league transactions continue at the current pace, the OFHL could fund some serious ICEE Cup renovations this season. As a result, it's reported that the Commish is pondering the possibility of mounting the ICEE Cup atop a mini fridge that's just large enough to hold a small keg. It's not out of the realm of possibilities.

"The Islanders and Exes are fueling this early surge in transactions," the Commish said. "We know they are seriously addicted to mouse-clicking the transaction button, and we're certainly not going to stand in their way."

In fact, if there is a way to entice them even more, the Commish said he's entertain it. "Look, we've got to advance the OFHL. My job is to do that at any cost." One rumored method is to offer a OFHL coach bobble head dolls with every ten transactions. What might be more enticing is the rumored OFHL coach voodoo doll where you can hex, poke and needle your opponent any day of the OFHL season. And there's reports of oval OFHL magnets for your vehicle. All incentives to keep those trannies coming in!